I fall quickly, love passionately, and always try to see the "good" in people. I have always lived with the mindset that God would not put someone in my path that was not meant to be there. Whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a man who I fall head over heels for. I always get that, "it's meant to be!" feeling of excitement. But that feeling is fleeting and not fulfilling. I am a "pleaser". My joy comes from helping others, or being around those I love and doing things for them that show them I truly care. Sometimes, the people that I give my love and affection to--are assholes. People that do not even deserve a second of my time, let alone my love and compassion.
Don't worry this isn't all about men and tragic scenarios. I am not using this blog to bash ex's or men in general. I am using it as a tool to empower myself. Every time a relationship or friendship falls apart, I fall apart. I rely on others for my happiness and I am finally realizing this. Taking control of how you react to others is harder than I ever imagined. I did not realize how much I cared about what others thought until I took a step back. When you back off from a social circle, a job, and just become introverted--it is then you find out who your true friends are.
For most, by the time you are 27, you already know who your reliable set of confidants are. Some are new, some old, and many have come and gone. But ultimately your family are the ones who will always be there. I have been picked up by my family time and time again. All from my own doing. In the past 7 years, I feel I have spun so many circles I probably wore a hole in the earth somewhere. Most definitely in my own head. No fancy car, no house, no "perfect" job, no insurance, no man in my life, and the picture perfect housewife idea is long gone. Nothing to show for all the work I have done and all of the shit I have endured.
I am starting over. New city, new outlook, right? Well it is definitely is an uphill battle and I am standing at the bottom. This time though, I think I'll enjoy the hike up. No expectations of anyone else but myself. That way if I get down and out, no one else is to blame. Which means I have the potential of being happy. FINALLY. On my own. Without anyone else. This is the start of my journey so I am sorry if you're bored and annoyed already. But quite frankly, for the first time ever, I don't give a shit. :)
Well, here goes nothing!
